WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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