I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
