so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
