don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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