I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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