If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
