yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
