I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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