Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize