Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
