I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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