you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
