glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize