Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
