the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
