RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
