found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
