That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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