Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
