Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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