Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
