More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
