Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
