come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
