I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
