Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
