I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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