Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize