My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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