Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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