sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
