she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
