I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
