you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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