Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
