Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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