I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
