mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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