Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
