I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
