the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
