I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
