I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
