Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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