Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
