I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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