You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
