No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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