Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
