Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
