he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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