Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
