We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
