When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
