If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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