So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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