we have pet lesbian snakes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
