Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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