i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
