Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
