Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize