just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
