His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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